Rivertowns Parents Concerned About Kids' Body Images, Eating Disorders

Although most likely everyone in the audience of the Dobbs Ferry PTSA's screening of "Someday Melissa" Thursday night knew the tragic ending of the documentary, it didn't prevent the uncomfortable silence in the Springhurst cafeteria when Melissa Avrin's mother Judy described on screen how she'd found her 19-year-old daughter dead from a heart attack.

Melissa Avrin suffered from chronic bulimia, but despite many different interventions and treatment modalities—both inpatient and at home—she wasn't able to overcome her addiction to binging, on any kinds of food, and purging.

After Melissa's death, her mother produced the film to raise awareness about eating disorders. "It's an insidious disease," she said about her daughter's bulimia. (Her mother also admitted that she'd struggled with the same disease for 25 years.)

_____________________________________________________________

Receive more local stories like this in your inbox or smartphone by signing up for our newsletter here

_______________________________________________________

Melissa had always wanted to make a film that would change the world, her mother said. Now, her mother's documentary—driven predominantly by Melissa's—own journal entries, is doing just that. 

Local parents—not only from Dobbs Ferry, but from the other Rivertowns as well— who attended the emotional screening had many concerns about how to prevent tragedies like Melissa Avrin's from happening in their homes.

Guest speaker and eating disorders expert Jennie Kramer LCSW, of Metro Behavioral Health  Associates in Scarsdale, answered parents' questions about how to help prevent their children from developing eating disorders and what to do if they start to see symptoms.

Shannon Johnson, VP of the Dobbs Ferry PTSA, introduced the film acknowledging parents' struggle with promoting good body image among their children, especially girls.

"How do you know if it's okay to say the word, 'fat,?" she asked rhetorically. "How do you know what is the right amount of food to give your kids?"

Kramer gave the example of a 3 or 4-year-old child who simply eats and stops when he or she's full.

"However, as kids hit 5 or 6," she said, "they start to notice other people and compare. The start to think, 'He's eating more than I am' or 'She's eating less.'"

Kramer described the Avrin family's experience as "extreme, but not too atypical."

One parent asked how to make her daughter aware of food—especially in the case of a child who loves eating and food—without making her self-conscious or afraid of becoming fat.

Kramer responded: "Never assume that your child will become larger than what's ideal for her frame."

A student in the audience echoed the parent's concern, framing it in light of the pervasive fear of obesity, which seems to be overshadowing the also ubiquitous disorders: anorexia and bulimia.

Kramer responded that "Education is power."

Neither extreme—extremely over or under-weight—is healthy, and both have to be addressed before they get out of control. 

Therapist and eating disorders specialist Dr. Martina Verba added that the antidote to "the obesity epidemic" is not pushing your kids away from food. 

"Recommendations for prevention of obesity focus on increasing healthful practices—e.g., finding enjoyable activities, consuming of nutrient-rich foods—not on encouraging thinness," she said. 

Another parent asked how one might broach the issue if he or she suspects that a friend's child might have an eating disorder.

"That's a gutsy conversation," Kramer said. "The first step is to suggest that the child see a pediatrician. Sometimes the concern is unfounded, but you'd rather be wrong than right and let it go on for too long."  

Kramer emphasized that one of the main messages of the film was denial.

"Everyone seemed to be saying, 'This is okay,' instead of 'That can't be.' That's a theme we see with eating disorders."

In terms of practical steps parents can take Kramer suggested:

• Don't withhold "junk food" or candy from your kids altogether, because that will make them want it even more when they're outside the house.
• Don't make disparaging comments about your own body in front of your kids. "Check in with yourself; make sure you're not sending the wrong messages."
• If your child does say, "I look fat," don't just tell her she's wrong and move on. "Say something to make her think, like, 'What makes you think you look fat? Did you feel that way yesterday?" Kramer said these types of questions will make kids stop in their tracks and consider the reality.
• As your kids are eating, check in with them. Without sounding accusational ask questions like, "Do you still feel hungry?" —these types of questions make children start to make conscious decisions about when they are still hungry and when they're satiated.
• A parent asked how she should respond if her teenage daughter reports that her friends are showing signs of disordered eating. Kramer responded that a parent could recommend that his or her daughter sit with kids with healthier eating habits...even if it is hard to separate from one's friends.
• Parents were also interested in the higher rate of boys coming in for eating disorders treatment. Kramer said that there are more boys coming to her practice than before, but that they tend to "respond to treatment more quickly than girls."

Kramer added that, whereas in the past most patients had strictly anorexia (restrictive eating behavior), she's now seeing a trend of about 50 percent anorexic patients, 25 percent with bulimia and 25 percent with binge eating disorder. 

Most importantly, though, she said to listen to your intuition.

"If you feel like something's wrong, take your child to a pediatrition—boy or girl—and be proactive."

And Verba stressed that parents: "Consider what your children see and hear. Do they hear you commenting on your own body or appearance? Do you say 'I probably shouldn't' when dessert is offered? Do you comment about the bodies or appearances of others?"

"Those comments send a message about what matters to you and how you feel about yourself," she continued. "Do you have restrictive food practices? Are you compulsive about exercise? All the 'healthy' talk in the world can not override the practices you model for your children."

At the beginning of the film, Melissa Avrin said she was 14 the first time she threw up after eating, and had she known what it would end up doing to her life, she would never have started.

"Unfortunately, this story happens all the time," Kramer said. "When you put your body through such upheaval so many times, it can kill you."

To find an eating disorders therapist in the area, click here. 

*Disclaimer: "Someday Melissa" is a heavy documentary that's not meant for young children.