.
Feedback

18 Lessons I Learned from My 5-Year-Old

I strive to teach my daughter about life and how to navigate it, but she has taught me a thing or two about it as well. Here are 18 of the best lessons I’ve learned in the last 5 years.

My first child turned 5 the other day and it somehow seems more significant than previous birthdays (other than the first, of course). Why, I’m not entirely sure, other than her being able to hold up one full hand for her age, being on her way to kindergarten and being only 11 (!!) years away from driving. During the past 5 years, I have experienced a lifetime worth of joy, despair, unconditional love, frustration, excitement, amazement and even sadness. And while I strive to teach my daughter about life and how to navigate it, she has certainly taught me a thing or two about it as well.

Here are 18 of the best lessons I’ve learned from my daughter in the first 5 years:

1. Plan as much as you want and know that at least 99% of your plan will go out the window due to a fever, the flu, a lice outbreak or just outright refusal (note: thankfully no lice outbreaks in my house – yet!)

2. Don’t listen to anyone, and you will get what you want anyway

3. Don’t eat your vegetables, and you’ll get dessert anyway

4. You can make space in your home for just about any object as long as it has no value whatsoever

5. If an object does have value, it’s a lot of fun to drop or throw it

6. Go ahead and throw a temper tantrum – you’ll feel much better afterward

7. Even when you act like a wild, uncaged animal, mom will still tuck you in and say she loves you

8. Someone will always come to your aid in the middle of the night when you scream their name, even if it’s just to refill your water cup or pull up a blanket

9. Stickers are awesome, especially when they are stuck to the floor, table and doors

10. Sharing is overrated, especially with a sibling

11. Don’t bother using a napkin since stains look cool

12. For that matter, why use a fork or spoon? Fingers are much easier

13. Friends are good; friends with candy are great

14. Grandparents will spoil you so take full advantage of them; they also won’t discipline you, so feel free to act out around them

15. Lollipops, especially if they are swirly, will solve any problem

16. When mom says no, go to dad. When dad says no, go back to mom. When both say no, do it anyway

17. Smile big and open your eyes wide to get people to say yes

18. There is no place like being at home with mom and dad

I can’t wait to see what she'll teach me in the next 5 years! Surely you have learned a few things from your child; feel free to share them here.

Newsletter & Alerts

Get the best stories each day and important breaking news

Subscribe

Not from Rivertowns Patch? Find your Local Patch »

John Taggart June 21, 2012 at 11:27 pm
You people are nuts, have no sense of humor .....they are trying to turn this fun into an issue. I have NO children. This wrighter is looking at it through the kids eyes, in a funny way. Alot of people forgot how to look through someone elses eyes. Your own childrens.
Mary Jane June 21, 2012 at 11:35 pm
@Taggart: the author also invited comments at the end of her observatory blog. I am a mother and I am a teacher. I know humor, and I have a sense of humor.
No matter how you or she want to look at it - through rose-colored glasses or the child's eyes, the fact remains, if these are her observations of her child, then the child had to have learned these things somewhere. Not everyone shares the same sentiment or thought process as the author, and that's their right. If you or the author can't accept open comments on an open forum, then don't blog. Personally, I think these "look at me" blogs are out of control on The Patch.
Theresa June 21, 2012 at 11:36 pm
Bjorn: there's nothing funny about ill-behaved children and their dim-witted parents.
By the way, this is a public blog and her piece is open to criticism. But of course, you and she are of the PC mindset that no one should ever hear the truth for fear of hurt feelings.
John Taggart June 21, 2012 at 11:41 pm
IT"S A JOKE FOR GODS SAKE, your mad you didn't get it.
Aidan June 21, 2012 at 11:43 pm
Here's my beef:"I can’t wait to see what she'll teach me in the next 5 years!" Pssst ... you're the one doing the teaching. Children learn from their folks ... especially in their youth. But that's a typical remark in this upside-down world where kids seem more and more to call the shots ... and parents walk away from their obligations.
That incident up in Greece, NY ... the kids who abused that elderly bus matron ... there's a prime example of children without a shred of ethics or an ounce of compassion. If my sons were ever involved in such an incident ... even as a do-nothing bystander ... they'd have felt the earth quake. Parents should have small interest in being their children's friends. It's time to flip this on parents: Grow up.
Bjorn Olsson June 21, 2012 at 11:43 pm
Evil? Are you serious??? I applaud anyone who tries to contribute to our local site with some personal thoughts and observations. What I don't get is the viciousness in these attacks against this author. Write your own blog post if you wish to add something or share something, and hey, when you do, maybe you could even use your real name instead of shouting insults from behind your web handle?
John Taggart June 21, 2012 at 11:44 pm
The truth is it's a joke, remind me to ignor your posts.
Aidan June 21, 2012 at 11:44 pm
"... the child had to have learned these things somewhere." Yup.
Mary Jane June 21, 2012 at 11:54 pm
@Roundtine. Bravo! I couldn't agree more. Another reason to do away with the "look-at-me" blogs. People blog their life on the WORLD WIDE WEB. The minute someone disagrees or offers a counter-opinion, they're branded viscious and an attacker. Bloggers, keep your warm-and-fuzzy lives to yourselves, please.
Paula June 21, 2012 at 11:56 pm
I think one of the problems with the reception given to this article is a generational divide. In my generation, in my family, if you didn't share with a sibling, you lost whatever item it was that you weren't sharing. # 2 and #3 sure wouldn't have worked at all, and if we had that attitude that it would work, instead of getting your way, you'd get a swat on the butt. I think that most of the people who are irritated by this article grew up in the 50's and '60's. Misbehavior was never viewed as funny in our house.
John B June 22, 2012 at 12:14 am
Boy there must be a lot of parents and children out there in Patchland that have their knickers in a perpetual knot.
Ps Paula I grew up in the 40's and 50's.My Parents were strict and firm but also had a sense of humor even when things were not as obvious as this article.
John Taggart June 22, 2012 at 12:23 am
Did you beat infants to make them stop crying ?
Mike June 22, 2012 at 12:32 am
Yes, moms said if you have nothing nice to say don't say anything. But heck who cares today, say what ever you want, you still get your ice cream
Barbara Pardy June 22, 2012 at 12:38 am
What I can't wait for, is to see "what she teaches you" when she's 15. Can't wait for that class to be in session.
Aidan June 22, 2012 at 12:45 am
Keep the smelling salt handy!
R.R.T. June 22, 2012 at 12:48 am
People really need put this in perspective -- if you think this is ridiculous, try this post from Ms. Strogin
http://rivertowns.patch.com/blog_posts/graduation-day#comments_list
Mary Jane June 22, 2012 at 12:57 am
Kumbaya....it's all about moi.
Thanks for the link, RRT. Indeed ridiculous.
William Demarest (Editor) June 22, 2012 at 01:01 am
Lauren: Thank you for your blog post. Becoming a parent changes every notion you had previously of what life would be like when the children came along. New challenges come daily, whether your child is 1, 16 or 20. We appreciate you sharing your thoughts. Patch would like to invite other parents to share their experiences and views on parenthood by blogging on Patch.
John Taggart June 22, 2012 at 01:02 am
Yup, Ms. Strogin really seems to have a gift to see from anothers piont of view, and make it funny!
John Taggart June 22, 2012 at 01:08 am
You get nothing, other people liked it. Don't repeat my name until you have one.
And your solution to the "problem" censure what you don't like?
R.R.T. June 22, 2012 at 01:15 am
How does this article reflect changes in "notions" of parenting? I'm with you in putting out the call to other parents, in the hope of finding a worthwhile contribution.
John Anderson June 22, 2012 at 01:55 am
Might I add 19. Don't talk politics around your kids, you never know when in a cramped elevator at the mall your kid points at a guy's t-shirt and says "Isn't that the guy you think is a moron Dad?" Funny blog Lauren.
Bjorn Olsson June 22, 2012 at 03:51 am
For a blog post that just offered some lighthearted thoughts on life with kids, it truly HAS somehow generated some pretty vicious attacks in the comments here, not to mention some very far reaching assumptions of the bloggers personal and parental qualities. Is it too obvious to point out that if you don't have any interest in personal blogs, they are pretty easy to ignore, and that you can leave the comments field empty quite just as easily?
Pam Rosman June 22, 2012 at 11:25 am
My goodness, you people have really gotten carried away over an article that was meant to be funny. Just because she wrote it, doesn't mean that any of it is true!! My personal comment would be to let her (and everyone else know) that it never ends. I have 3 grown children - 2 are married - and it isn't over yet.
Lanning Taliaferro (Editor) June 22, 2012 at 04:34 pm
Check out columnist Heather Herve's reaction to this conversation
http://patch.com/A-v1lr
Bjorn Olsson June 23, 2012 at 03:14 am
Final thoughts before putting this thread to bed:
If you think it's ok to make insulting, rude and judgmental remarks in a public forum about a person you know next to nothing about, anonymously lecturing her on how to raise her kids and implying that she is a bad parent, what conclusions do you think someone who does not know you would draw about your manners and upbringing?
Dorothee C June 25, 2012 at 01:59 pm
Honestly, did anyone think this mommy was serious?!
John Anderson June 28, 2012 at 09:15 pm
Bjorn, looks like we found something we can't blame on "O".
Bjorn Olsson June 28, 2012 at 10:21 pm
All for it.
Edith July 2, 2012 at 02:49 am
You stopped learning? I try to learn something new every day!
Note Article
Just a short thought to get the word out quickly about anything in your neighborhood.
Share something with your neighbors. Write a new post... What's up? Make an announcement, speak your mind, or sell something
loretta oleck June 12, 2013 at 12:19 pm
She is coming in from Chicago for this performance at City Winery. She is an amazing performer andRead More singer.
loretta oleck June 12, 2013 at 01:08 pm
Here's a clip of Lynne Jordan who will be performing a tribute to Nina Simone on July 2nd!Read More http://youtu.be/vWyhyBMZ7eU
Monique Avakian June 15, 2013 at 06:38 am
Thanks, Loretta, for the info -- I will try to go! And, yes, Lisa, I do play the piano -- learningRead More jazz right now! :)
Lisa Buchman (Editor) June 6, 2013 at 02:55 pm
Thanks for posting this! Hopefully someone will be looking - I'll post to Facebook as well. Let usRead More know when she has a new gig!
Donna Roses June 5, 2013 at 06:03 pm
Mina, I don't know how to respond to you so please call with questions if you are interested inRead More renting either of those weeks. 917-623-6529. Donna
Donna Roses June 12, 2013 at 07:37 am
also August 30-September 6 is available.