From Devastation to Acceptance to Advocacy: The Journey of a Mother & Attorney Through the Maze of Autism

Here is Part II of my journey...

When my second son Zachary was born in July, of 2002, Aaron was already deep into his therapy and progressing slowly but nicely.  Thank goodness that Zack was a good baby.  The dust cleared, and it was time for me to mourn – mourn the loss of anything “typical” in my life, mourn the loss of the intimacy with my husband, mourn the loss of my career, mourn the loss of myself, and mourn for Aaron. 

The best thing that I did personally was to enter into therapy for myself.  This helped me to accept the diagnosis, cry, express anger, resentment, blame, jealousy and work through these emotions and realize that my son is who he is. 

It helped me realize that my mission was not to cure his Autism, but to do what I could to make his life as fulfilling and to give him every opportunity that he should have to find happiness without neglecting myself and my family.  I also realized that only when I became part of Aaron’s therapeutic team would he truly progress. 

I also joined a support group of women who had similar issues to me. This helped me cope and be a better parent.  Instead of wishing for something that was unlikely going to come true – a cure – I began to examine the disability world and see what was out there for my son in the present and in the future.

I became active in organizations that I knew could help my child now and in the future.  I helped raise money for NAAR (the National Alliance for Autism Research) – Now Autism Speaks – and have had a large team – “Aaron’s Army”.  I joined the board of directors at Arc of Westchester – where I was able to experience the full lifecycle of a disabled individual.  Through Arc of Westchester, I found that my child, although disabled, could live a happy and productive life, could have a job, a wonderful place to live, terrific activities, and wonderful people to help care for him. 

Currently, I serve on the board of other organizations that represent the needs of people with disabilities, speak endlessly to organizations, and also help develop programs for disabled children in areas of need in Westchester County and New York State.  Through my involvement with these various activities, I learned much about the system. I made it my mission to improve it as best as I could so my son and other children like my son could lead happy and productive lives. 

I then met a woman, who similar to me, is an attorney and has three children, one of whom is profoundly disabled. We discussed that there was really not one place for parents of special needs to get all of the legal services that they need to navigate the complicated special education and disability law system.There are some law firms that do primarily special education advocacy, and some that do the estate planning, and some that do public benefits and guardianships.  But there was no “one stop shop” for families where all the needs of their disabled children could be met in one place. 

Currently I practice at Littman & Krooks LLP, which specializes in providing expert counseling and quality advocacy for the unique needs of children and adults with special needs from birth through adulthood. I have found that my skills and experience (both professional and personal) enable me to serve as a resource for families of children and adults with special needs in varied settings. 

From assistance in obtaining appropriate special education services, to helping families obtain guardianship over their disabled relatives, to navigating the maze of public benefits, to special estate and financial planning, Littman Krooks is there for all of the legal aspects of having a child or relative with special needs.  The special education system is a difficult one. It is part of the mission of the team that I work with at Littman Krooks to empower parents and teach them their rights and how to advocate for their children so they will receive the free and appropriate services that they deserve from their school districts. 

Parents of children with special needs also need help transitioning from school to adult life and assistance with what that entails, including guardianship and the school districts’ responsibility in proper transition. The team at Littman Krooks helps families with this as well.  There is also a whole world of public benefits and resources available for children and adults with special needs but the system is very difficult to navigate for parents. Many families are not even aware that they are eligible for these services.  Additionally, the scariest thing for any parent is what is going to happen to our child if something happens to us how and who will take care of them.  The team at Littman Krooks assists families in specialized estate and disability planning and helps them secure a bright future for their child or relative.  I am so happy that I am able to be part of the team at Littman Krooks that does this important work for families, and help them through a legal system that is sometimes unjust to people with disabilities and, frankly, does not make very much sense.

At this time, my son Aaron is doing beautifully.   He is speaking, and is a happy and engaged little boy.  He has far exceeded my expectations based on what the professionals first told me.  He is a remarkable.  He still has Autism and always will, but has improved dramatically.  I know that whatever he chooses to do in his life he will be happy – maybe it won’t be “typical” but it will be what is right for him.  As for my other children, my youngest son was diagnosed with some developmental delays that are not as profound as his brother. My daughter is adjusting to the special needs world herself with a support network that I have assisted her in setting up. Are there still days that I get sad and worn out by my family’s situation? Of course, but I am proud of my children and thank God and Aaron everyday for guiding me to be a better mother, showing me that I have a strength I never thought I had, and helping me find a purpose in my life that fulfills me and will help other families like my own.